the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
