Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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