The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
