A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
