Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(606): View more from Kentucky

you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later

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(626): View more from California

Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life

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(915): View more from Texas

when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up

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(801): View more from Utah

Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.

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(509): View more from Washington

he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow

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(602): View more from Arizona

I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am

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(972): View more from Texas

You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."

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