i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
