I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
