I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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