May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just high enough for therapy.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
