take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
