It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
