Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
