mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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