Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
