Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
