insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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