If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He better not be in your backpack
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
