i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
