no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
