She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
