hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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