Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
please come you make the beer taste better
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
