i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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