I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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