im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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