wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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