At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize