the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
