Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
