i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
