Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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