I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i've created a new STD.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize