i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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