Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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