i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
