dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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