You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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