I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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