your thong is hanging out like whoa
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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