I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
