Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
