I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
