So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
