I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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