i would punch a child for taco bell
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
