so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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