How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
