dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
