What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
