I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
