After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize