An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
