I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
