i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
