so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
