he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
