sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize