He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
