i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
