The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize