I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
