saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
