gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
