so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
