shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
