Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
