So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
