I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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