I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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