I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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