I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
