If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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